Inspired by the news that my daughter was expecting…New MOM unprepared for the “SISTERHOOD of MOTHERHOOD” that she will forever be a part of once the baby arrives


Mother’s Day, another way to make a lot of money

Take your Mom to breakfast, Brunch – It really isn’t funny.

Poopy diaper, missed a nap. He won’t sit down, so… on my lap

I never got to eat at all. Her brother tripped. She watched him fall.

It wasn’t fun but I’m alive. I’m a MOTHER; I’ll survive.

But when you’re pregnant? Oh what BLISS

All those hugs and still a kiss for Daddy-to-be ‘cause He’s so proud…

(until your belly draws a crowd.)

How far to go? Congratulations! Baby’s kicking. NEW sensations!

Under the ribs? Now that’s no joke. Getting bigGER Baby AWOKE!

That’s my bladder! 5 times a night. It’s YOU or ME – now it’s a fight.

WAIT until contraction day – THEN you’ll see who gets their way!

Gotta push? I BREATHE too fast? How long does this have to last?

This is awful. Hold my hand! Trying to F O C U S… Rubberband?!#?!?

I can’t stretch that far – I’ll BREAK! How long, Jesus, does this take?

“Almost a MOTHER.” What does that mean?

Can’t I do this sight unseen? Give me a shot or give me DRUGS!

I’m gonna SCREAM so put in the plugs!


So beautiful. I shed a tear. Was it worth It? NO. Not yet.

Wait until our eyes have met.

Watch the moment:  Daddy’s FACE. Ear to ear. Now THAT’s the PLACE.

Holding baby in his arms. (That releases baby charms.)

Magical feelings that NEVER grow dim. Comfort in the arms of HIM!

He’s the one who made me MOTHER. I’m one half but he’s the other.

Soon there’ll be a DAY for DAD

It won’t be like the one I HAD: He’ll go golfing-strike up the grill…

I’m just the MOTHER. I pay the bill.

He didn’t scream and He didn’t moan; He sent the text or called on his phone:

“We are parents Mom and Dad! Baby’s fine and Mom is glad.”

Glad the yukky stuff is out. Baby’s fine but still I doubt

People want to hear the rest – afterbirth – an APGAR test

Measure baby, cut the cord, with the baby…Oh GOOD LORD!

Now the focus shifts to another – Goodbye “COUPLE”


DADDY’S Day? It isn’t fair! I know they helped – they did their share,

They made sperm and let it go – I’m the one who started the SHOW!

I’m the one who grew the parts, ate the food and had the farts!

spent the mornings feeling sick, felt my belly growing thick,

Lost my waist and had to buy clothes that made me want to cry!  

I got stuck between the cars! I drank WATER in the bars…gave up standing on the scale, saw my shadow turn to whale.

I got all the stuff inside – you just drove your blushing bride

To the room where I gave birth.  You’re the FATHER!  What’s that worth?

You get a DAY for riding along? You got a DAY? Now that seems wrong.

Moms should get at least a WEEK

There. I’ve said it.