She was so excited to tell us the rackets were getting paid for. She was in the car with her baby, who was sleeping at the time in his car seat. In her excitement, though, there was a hint of disappointment–she found out after the fact that she could have customized the color of the tennis racket she had just purchased. Of all the things she loved about the way the racket played, the one thing she did NOT like was the color. Ever get excited, only to be a bit disappointed? I thought about my book, The SEX TALK Made Easy. Could I customize it?
Finding out she could have made a custom order for only $50 more made her crazy with regret. Now, I know that might sound trivial, but seriously, if a vending machine is out of the thing you want most and you settle for a snack you didn’t love as much, well, that would be silly to be disappointed over. Right? Or would it? She absolutely KNOWS the color would have made a difference in the way she plays. Knowing SHE selected the color and the way the words appear on the side and the little touches of detail would have made a big difference to her. She loved her racket of 15 years. She would love her new racket, too. But OH so disappointing that she could have had a say… and didn’t.
After all, the rackets were strung already–and that meant it was too late. On the other hand, if it bothered her that much, could she go ahead and switch the order? Would they be able to sell the rackets she HAD bought and reorder the one she really wanted? Who knows. Do we do that in life? Do we learn too late that we could have “custom ordered” something we really were excited about (except for the color)?
Her husband says it won’t matter. It has NO bearing on her tennis play. She disagreed. My husband also understood. She wanted the number 22 on her basketball jersey and since it wasn’t available, she had to play with the number 32 on her back. She said, YES! That made a difference! He totally “got it” and was empathetic.
We have so many disappointments in life and so few things to look forward to–why couldn’t she have found out sooner and made the change? Would it make a difference to the store owner? Would anyone watching the tennis care what her racket looks like? Probably not. But when WE KNOW, in our guts, that changes could have been made if we had been made aware sooner, we might have made a different choice.
What does this have to do with SEX? Or the SEX TALK? Hear me out. Most people “play the game” and need instruments for that game that are given to them. What kind of a racket did you get? We play with the things we know are supposed to be used to make the game work. We don’t anything about the grip or the tension on the strings. We don’t know what the frame is made of or if the weight and size of the head even make a difference in the game. All we know is that we need a racket, a ball, and a hitting wall or a partner on a tennis court to play.
With the SEX TALK, all we know is what we were told or have personally experienced. We have no idea that there are ways to “play the game” that will make it infinitely easier. My daughter and her husband tested all kinds of rackets before they bought the ones they liked best. We don’t get that chance with the SEX information. We don’t get to “test drive” all the ways to make the game easier and more fun. We have one chance and too often it happens too late. We find out we could have picked the color, chosen the right message at the right time for the one we love and want to protect. But we didn’t know.
We didn’t know that we could have said something a different way. We could have customized our “Talk” so our virgin child could play the game with the racket that made them happiest. The way to approach The SEX TALK is a little like picking out a tennis racket. YOU, dear parents, have already played the game, know the court size, have the experience and KNOW what it takes to make the game easiest, most enjoyable. You want your child to play the game with the best attitude, the best equipment, and the best outcome, don’t you? NOW you can. You can customize the equipment you give them.